What Really Is Life
by Quatre's Mistress
Summary: PG only cuz I don't know... & I couldn't think of genre's, so work w/me here ppl... first ch is Wufei's POV. He talks about his life before, during, & after the war. While learning a thing or 2 about himself in the process.... R&R plz!!!!


Disclaimer: I OWN IT ALL!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! *gets hit in the head with a metal pole* OWWW!!! *rubs back of head and starts crying* Alright, alright. I don't own a damn thing. Happy now!? *cries some more...*  
  
A.N. Here's how it goes. It's not that long, but it was a start on what I wanted to do. I plan on making 5 chapters. One for each pilot of Gundam Wing. This chapter will be on Wufei. It will be in his POV. There won't be anyone else's POV in this chapter except his. It doesn't have much to do with a romance. It mainly has to do with his feelings at the beginning of the war for him, during parts of the war, to the very end b/4 Mariemaia. I know, sounds boring, but give it a chance, k? So plz read and review when ur done!  
  
Warnings: none that I can think of at this moment........  
  
Rating: um, don't know. You decide when you read.... :p  
  
'...thoughts...' "...talking..." (...me talking...) ...link(s)... ~...reading...~ ~*~...lyrics/singing...~*~ ---...notes...--- //...date-time-yr-and so on...// ::...any other needed to know info...::  
  
What Really Is Life  
  
//Wufei's POV//  
  
I don't know when it happened. And I don't really care either. They say that the life that you life was chosen for you. For the way you would be. To set your personality and to live out your future. And during the wars, I didn't want to believe that. I lost my first wive. A way I never would've dreamed. Saving my life. To save me. How's strange can that be. First, we hate each other. Than we love each other. Then a part of us dies when the other does. Then there was my friends. Died the same way as my wife. They all died. And they didn't deserve it. Not a single soul of them. And yet, they were each murdered. If even in a different form of death, they all died. And it was before of me.  
  
But my wife... I don't even have the right words to say how much pain she felt. The suffering she went through. Just so that we could spend the last few moments of her life together. Just worrying and telling the other what we had meant to for so long. And then, like it all began, it's all vanished. Just taken away from my grasp like it never belonged with me to begin with. And even though it's not the same now, I felt as though the part of me that died... was love. That I would never fall in love again.  
  
And to this very day, I still think that at times, that that saying can be true. I never wanted to fall in love, why should I again when the love I had died? But I would've never thought that this would come to me again. Even if it was, or is, so small. To have this fleeting feeling of someone's love beginning to snatch my own. That I never knew was there anymore. And I just wish I knew when this all started happening.  
  
You see, after my wife's death, the whole universe surrounding me seemed to have somehow crumbled to so many pieces that not even God could paste it all back together. I just wanted to scream in such horrific rage and tear everything that had killed that single part of me to nothing but specks of dust. I just wanted everyone who killed my wive, who killed all my friends, who killed me, to know exactly how I felt at that moment. How my friends felt when they died. And how my wife felt when she died in my arms. I wanted them to have me be the last thing they see like Meilan had. But they wouldn't see the pity, the anguish..... the sadness that Meilan did when her soul just drifted away from me. They took her away from. The only thing I could actually say that I ever truely loved. And they were going to pay with their lives. Even if it was the last thing I did. But surprisingly, all I could do, was cry. And no matter how I tried to stop myself, the tears would just continue to fall. As though they were the part of my soul that died along with Meilan.  
  
And that's when I agreed to becoming the pilot to Nataku. It was the only thing I had left to remind me of the women I once loved. The only thing. And I planned to use it to my advantage. I piloted Nataku with such great veneration that my morals towards others either weakened or strengthened. And to those who did not have as much respect for Nataku as I did, felt it's wrath by my might.  
  
I know, it sounds almost like something you would hear from something around "Hercules'" times, but it almost seemed like just the perfect example of what I needed to say to get my point across. But to me, my Gundam seemed to be the only thing that sent out the retribution needed. But it wasn't until I got to earth that I realized that I wasn't the only one doing what seemed to be my job in this universe.  
  
I don't remember which it was that I met first. It all just seems to go through my mind as though it was nothing but a dream. A nightmare to tee. But it seemed to real, don't I knew every moment of it was true. Even if I wish that it wasn't. But one moment, we're fighting against each other. Than we're with each other. Then against. Like some vicious cycle just waiting to catch up on us one of these times. But we fought for the same causes, eventually causing each of our friendships to accure. Even if it did take forever to finally admit.  
  
Just before the end of the war, before the Mariemaia incident, we were all in the same room. With our gundams, just praying to make it through alive. And if it wasn't for Quatre, or even Maxwell, then I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have had the confidence we did have in that battle.  
  
It was about an hour or two before we had to leave when we heard someone whispering a silent prayer. Almost too silent. Almost as though only we were meant to hear it. And when we turned to look for the source, we weren't too surprised to see who was there. There, in the middle of the large room stood two people. One with a long chestnut braid. His hands clasped together in front of him. His head bent, as though in a prayer. The other was a sandy blonde boy. His head bent as well, hands clasped together. But his lips moved. Just breathing out the words of the silent prayer that was echoing through our ears. They stood almost as still as the air surrounding us. There was nothing happening, except that still ever going prayer. Just beckoning us to join. And as though sending the invitation out to us, Maxwell started whispering the same prayer. Almost as low as Quatre's own voice.  
  
The three of us, Heero, Trowa, and myself, gave puzzled looks to one another. Not understanding what was going on. But I guess something inside us opened as we looked back over at our fellow comrades and we walked towards them. As though to join them in their silent whispers.  
  
And as though they could sense us, Quatre and Duo looked up at us, but their prayer continued. And even though I felt like a total idiot for joining them, it almost felt... reassuring. Knowing that I wasn't the only one going through dismay as I thought of the possibilities of not knowing whether I would die or survive this whole mess. But as we came into a circle, our arms crossed the other's shoulders so that it seemed as though we looked down at the floor, forming a small circle. Our eyes closed as we began reciting the same words as Quatre and Maxwell had been doing before in a low whisper, almost too low for even the space's emptyness can carry.....  
  
"Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed by thy name.  
  
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us.  
  
And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil.  
  
For thine is the kingdom, And the power,  
  
And the glory, forever. Amen."  
  
And as we finished our prayer, we held onto each other longer. As though if we let go, we'd lose each other forever. And in that moment, I realized what I thought I had lost so long ago still had a little of itself just hidden inside me. The love of a friend. Even though we never told each other before we left for the last battle, we each knew what the other was to everyone. And in that moment, I regained what I had lost so long ago. And even though it's not quite the same, the supposed "love" of our friendship is more than enough to fill the small gap inside me until I find whatever else I need to, to fill the rest.  
  
~*~ TBC ~*~  
  
A.N. Ok, chapter one now up! Yea! I haven't written a Gundam Wing one in a while. And just to let you know, the reason I entered the pray in case you haven't figured it out yet is b/c it fit in perfectly with the whole idea of the sceme to this story. It just kinda popped into my head when I was getting near the end of writing this chapter. So plz review! I love reviews and would love to get some! Oh, and sorry for this chapter for being so short! But g2g. tty'all laterz! Ja 4 now!!!  
  
p.s. next will either be Trowa or Duo.  
  
~*~ Q.M. ~*~ 


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